- 'Photoad'

I’m not a smart toad, but I did grow a fancy mustache and grew out my hair to look like a mad scientist.

In the world of state government, that should make me an expert, right?

After all, that’s sort of what agencies like the Missouri Department of Natural Resources (DNR) master — long on double speak and short on action after two years of investigating Seymour’s infamous gas smell.

Those folks sure look the part and have lots of certifications and acronyms behind their names. For the record, my official title is Dr. Pho X Toad, DRKA, QTBASO.

What do the acronyms stand for, you ask?

DRKA is “Don’t Really Know Anything,” while QTBASO is “Qualified To Be A State Official.”

If the city is hiring, I’m available. Perhaps I can be its new liaison to the DNR.

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